The 20 most pressing questions in British climbing

Whilst on a rainy rest day we began discussing the topics on the lips of every climber in Britain – How much speed does it take to do Hubble? Have Jonny G and Jesus ever been seen in the same room together? Why are British male climbers so ugly and nerdy? Will Mark ever get a girlfriend? In no particular order here are the top 20 most pressing questions on the British climbing scene today…

1       Just who is the hottest British climbing girl?

2     Is Steve Mac past it?

3     Why doesn’t Ondra do more deadlifting?

4     Will Simon ever climb the Oak?

5     Would the lovechild of Stu and Ru grow to more than 3ft tall?

6     What’s wrong with Doyle?

7     What really happened at the houseparty with Mr Richard Simpson and senor Spanish Kev?

8     Is Bob really seven or better?

9     How did Ryan ever get with Katy?

10.   Just what does Randall do to P Widdy in that basement?

11.   Did Cubby really nail “the Hill”?

12.   Why does JP wear those sunglasses?

13.   How do I stop my facebook feed filling up with fishing photos?

14.   Should I get anorexia?

15.   Will the school boards ever be resurrected?

16.   Is wanking Ancap or Aerocap?

17.   What the fuck is wrong with Pete Robins' arm?

18.   Who would win in a fight between Stevie H and Malc?

19.   Are the new generation of climbers more stupid or just more annoying than the previous generations?

20.   Has a girl ever poked her finger in your bum while you’re having sex?

Today's Menue: Doughnuts, Fried Chicken and Pump

Right now I'm in the Red River Gorge. This is somewhere I've been dreaming of going since seeing the video of the Petzl RocTrip there a few years ago, and the footage from the endless rampage of Ondra, Megos, Lachat et al last year didn't exactly diminish the psyche. With France having a wet year and worries of my intended trip to Loup being a wash out, plans were quickly changed and America was on! I'm playing blog catch up at the moment - here's a quick roundup of pre-America goings on, more on this trip to come, but suffice to say I LOVE ROCK CLIMBING, and RRG is 'not shit'.

Since Kaabah and True North I've not really blogged as things have just been ticking over. Anyway, highlights from the last couple of months include:

A good day down Chee Dale Cornice doing Bob's 8b+ Techno Prisoners (nice name, pity about the first ascentionist) and flashing the classic 8a of the crag, Powerplant. Techno Prisoners is pretty steep and funky for a British route - if roofs and bicycles are your bag then it comes highly recommended.

Flashing Crucifixion (8a) at the tor. I've been saving everything on the left side of the tor for ever and ever, worried about blowing the flash. Turns out the slabbing isn't as bad as you might think and the upper sections are every bit as good as might hope. Tip-top.

Dalliance, 8b+, Kilnsey. Whilst I always thought this didn't look like much from the floor, the climbing is actually superb and the top boulder problem is no push over.

Dalliance Photo: Tim Lowe

Resting before the top crux. Photo: Tim Lowe

 A day of good nick at Pigeon's Cave. Sea cliffs are damn cool, why can't they be in good condition more often?!

Shit gets real on the Orme

James busting out of the steepness at Pigeon's