Friday, 24 April 2015

The New Most Pressing Questions in British Climbing

18 months ago, dear readers, a select group of climbing's finest minds brought to you the 20 most pressing questions in British climbing. Many of these have now been answered - Yes! The school boards were resurrected. Yes! You should get anorexia. And, resoundingly, you responded that yes! A girl has stuck her finger up your bum whilst having sex. And yet, a whole bunch of new questions have reared their ugly heads - Is Hubble really 9a? Have Brits got better at climbing or just better at lying? Who's going to do the Easy Easy project now that Steve's over the hill? Without further ado, it's time for 20 of the new most pressing questions in British climbing:

1. Just who is "Sheffield Rumours", and how much glue do they sniff?
2. Did Dawes really get with Leo?
3. What the fuck is #throwbackthursday and why can't we have #titilatingtuesday instead?
4. Will the school room ever get a decent deadhanging setup?
5. How many retweets does it take to earn a free karabiner?
6. Why aren't all these punters doing the 'Catalunya Commute' strong enough to climb something in the UK?
7. How many girls does it take to downgrade a lightbulb?
8. Does Ethan really eat any of those cakes he takes photos of?
9. How long can you traverse the kids wall for before it becomes paedophilia?
10. Has anyone tried climbing for Allah or Buddah?
11. What the fuck is still wrong with Doyle?
12. Does Simpson even exist or was it all made up?
13. Does Sierra BC own anything other than short shorts, and how many legs-akimbo moves will the setter throw in now that she's entering the world cups?
14.  What the hell do these kids think 2nd go means?
15. Is Jens a Larsehole?
16. How do people taking more than 7B+ for Trigger Cut sleep at night?
17. Was Pooch the giver or the taker with the infamous strap-on?
18. Who's higher in Ned's affections, Dan or Shauna?
19. Do those smack addicts really drink Red Bull?
20. Have you ever stuck your finger up a girl's bum whilst having sex?

Answers on a postcard please.

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