Sunday, 20 October 2013

The 20 most pressing questions in British climbing

Whilst on a rainy rest day we began discussing the topics on the lips of every climber in Britain – How much speed does it take to do Hubble? Have Jonny G and Jesus ever been seen in the same room together? Why are British male climbers so ugly and nerdy? Will Mark ever get a girlfriend? In no particular order here are the top 20 most pressing questions on the British climbing scene today…

1       Just who is the hottest British climbing girl?
2     Is Steve Mac past it?
3     Why doesn’t Ondra do more deadlifting?
4     Will Simon ever climb the Oak?
5     Would the lovechild of Stu and Ru grow to more than 3ft tall?
6     What’s wrong with Doyle?
7     What really happened at the houseparty with Mr Richard Simpson and senor Spanish Kev?
8     Is Bob really seven or better?
9     How did Ryan ever get with Katy?
10.   Just what does Randall do to P Widdy in that basement?
11.   Did Cubby really nail “the Hill”?
12.   Why does JP wear those sunglasses?
13.   How do I stop my facebook feed filling up with fishing photos?
14.   Should I get anorexia?
15.   Will the school boards ever be resurrected?
16.   Is wanking Ancap or Aerocap?
17.   What the fuck is wrong with Pete Robins' arm?
18.   Who would win in a fight between Stevie H and Malc?
19.   Are the new generation of climbers more stupid or just more annoying than the previous generations?
20.   Has a girl ever poked her finger in your bum while you’re having sex?

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